The other end of the spectrum...slowest American production cars 1960’s to present

[travis]

This should be good for a laugh or 2

I’m curious what y’alls experience has been with the other end of the performance spectrum...the cars and trucks that were “anti-performance” Only vehicles that were new at the time or at least in good working order, as I’m sure we have all experienced some worn out or horribly out of tune vehicle at some point.

For me, 2 come to mind. 1st one was many years ago when I worked in a body shop. The owner bought a very low mile ‘87 iirc mustang with a naturally aspirated 2.3/auto from the auction that was lightly hit in the front, for next to nothing. Neither of us had ever driven one of these, so we didn’t know what we was in for...although we thought it was weird that nobody was bidding on it because it was a real easy fixer upper. After replacing some front end components and slapping a paint job on it, it didn’t take long to figure out that this thing was a mustang in appearance only. Weak brakes, cornered like a top heavy bread truck, and if you had several miles of straight road and a tail wind, it might have done 80mph...eventually.

The worst one I have ever experienced, by far, was a early 80’s mercury zephyr that my buddies mom got when I was in high school. 200 straight 6, auto, a/c and every bell and whistle you could get on one. This was a 3200-3300 pound car with literally about 80hp and economy gearing. I got to drive it for about 5 hours on a trip to go pick up another vehicle. This car was, even back then with the 55mph speed limit, imo dangerous to drive anywhere there was any traffic. 0-60 took literally at least a 1/2 mile to achieve with the a/c on...it wasn’t much better turning the ac off. Any sort of little hill required planning to get enough momentum built up to make it up at more than a crawl. I pissed off a lot of people that day...if you lost momentum for any reason you we’re screwed and seriously holding up traffic. Funny thing was though that driving it that far with my foot buried in the deep blue shag carpet for probably 80% of the trip, it still got 28mpg.

[gnicholson]

diesel Volkswagen from around 1980.

[grandsport51]

Well we are eliminating the foreign Slugs The 1960s Mercedes Diesel was a real pig among other foreign jobs
0-60 in a week Hah!!
All the American 60s economy cars were a joke I recall dads '60 falcon wagon, reliable but oh so dull
Shockingly Contemporary road testing recorded 0-60 in about 18 secs http://wildaboutcarsonline.com/members/ ... st_1-8.pdf

But to alter the criteria slightly in the speed talk tradition I will include the early 60s vans
Molasses oozing down hill 0-60 in the corvair van in 32,2 ! Quarter mile in 25.5 @55
http://wildaboutcarsonline.com/cgi-bin/ ... splayed=50
Dave B

[quickd100]

My boss had an early 80's 1/2 ton Ford pickup with a 302 with a 3 spd auto with overdrive. You needed a stiff tail wind to keep it in overdrive at 55 mph.

[SupStk]

Diesel LUV

[arlancam509]

1995 ford 1/2 ton regular cab truck with a flat-bed. 300 straight six. 5-speed manual. brand new and even 20,000 miles later - it would barely do 70mph. i had to drive that thing everywhere (work truck) and i hated it so much.

the a/c worked perfectly though.

[Diodedog]

My 170 68 Valliant.

[Truckedup]

later 70's Ford F250 with a 351M...In fact most US vehicles from that era are dogs.

[GARY C]

This should be good for a laugh or 2

I’m curious what y’alls experience has been with the other end of the performance spectrum...the cars and trucks that were “anti-performance” Only vehicles that were new at the time or at least in good working order, as I’m sure we have all experienced some worn out or horribly out of tune vehicle at some point.

For me, 2 come to mind. 1st one was many years ago when I worked in a body shop. The owner bought a very low mile ‘87 iirc mustang with a naturally aspirated 2.3/auto from the auction that was lightly hit in the front, for next to nothing. Neither of us had ever driven one of these, so we didn’t know what we was in for...although we thought it was weird that nobody was bidding on it because it was a real easy fixer upper. After replacing some front end components and slapping a paint job on it, it didn’t take long to figure out that this thing was a mustang in appearance only. Weak brakes, cornered like a top heavy bread truck, and if you had several miles of straight road and a tail wind, it might have done 80mph...eventually.

The worst one I have ever experienced, by far, was a early 80’s mercury zephyr that my buddies mom got when I was in high school. 200 straight 6, auto, a/c and every bell and whistle you could get on one. This was a 3200-3300 pound car with literally about 80hp and economy gearing. I got to drive it for about 5 hours on a trip to go pick up another vehicle. This car was, even back then with the 55mph speed limit, imo dangerous to drive anywhere there was any traffic. 0-60 took literally at least a 1/2 mile to achieve with the a/c on...it wasn’t much better turning the ac off. Any sort of little hill required planning to get enough momentum built up to make it up at more than a crawl. I pissed off a lot of people that day...if you lost momentum for any reason you we’re screwed and seriously holding up traffic. Funny thing was though that driving it that far with my foot buried in the deep blue shag carpet for probably 80% of the trip, it still got 28mpg.

Interestingly one of the fastest Pontiac Trans Am's was around 87 with the V6 turbo.

[amc fan]

1976 Oldsmobile Cutlass with 260 V8. I think the rear gear was 2.3 to 1. A real snail

[v6racer]

Won a bunch of trophies my first year bracket racing my '78 Buick Skylark 231 v6, 2.56 rear, Walker turbo muffler... 19.7's @ 72mph in second gear

[mk e]

1.4l Chevette with an automatic...I think it was about 50hp....just awful. It was certainly no match for the 55hp goe meto

[Powertrip]

1982 Ford Fairmont with the 200ci straight six, 90 hp? My then girlfriends car, I had to change plugs every 10,000 miles or it wouldn't even get up to highway speed.
We went on a road trip in it one time along a two lane highway, we were stuck behind a semi doing 45-50 mph for miles, no passing power whatsoever. We came to a stoplight, and thinking this was my chance, pulled into the right hand turn lane to pass him in the intersection. The light turned green, I matted it, and that damn semi stayed dead even with that Fairmont through the intersection, and I had to back off and resume following!! That trucker probably had a good laugh and a story to tell at our exspense.
I went to help a buddy change the rear gear on his brand new 1992 Mustang Cobra, and couldn't help noticing while under his car that his new Cobra and that turd Fairmont shared the same chassis, suspension, rear end (Fox chassis). Knowing my disdain for the Fairmont really pi$$ed him off that I was comparing his pride and joy, hey, it was a surprise to me also!!

[Schurkey]

My personal-worst was a '67 Kraut Kan. I think it had 53 horsepower. Actually a quick car...for the first three feet after a stop sign. After that it was a total turd.

Next-worst was an '80 Civic 1300. At least it would cruise at 70 or 80. Threw the #3 rod through the oil filter at 58,xxx miles. All the main bearings, and 1, 2, and 4 rod bearings looked beautiful. #3 rod bearing was sharp enough to shave with, burnt black, and the rod was in four pieces--but the rod bolts were not broken. That car was one of the last in the USA to come emissions-certified without a catalyst.

Buddy of mine has a Fairmont with a 2.3L "Pinto engine". WFO, it goes about 70.

[Brian P]

Where I worked at the time, we had a first generation Chrysler minivan, 2.2 carbureted, automatic. You could be 3 cars back at a red light, and floor it when you saw the green. It would not spin the tires, and you would not hit the car in front of you.

AMC Hornet six cylinder automatic took about 17 sec to 60 mph. Parents had one. I'm pretty sure its competitors were about the same. The Chrysler slant six was a dog with a single barrel carb. The aforementioned Ford 200 six had the intake manifold built into the head, and it was strangled.

Come to think of it, a friend of mine back then had a Dodge Ram van, slant six automatic. Slow.